Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize