How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it's like iHOP with fire
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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