if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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