you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
