This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
