So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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