kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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