Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
