so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
