I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
