I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
