My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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