that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
