You're completely useless in the revolution.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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