Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
