I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
