yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
