You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
