In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize