he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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