I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
