Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
