So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
