She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
