Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
