Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
