What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
