You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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