Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
