So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
