I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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