god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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