after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
