i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
