We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize