wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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