Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
