wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
