im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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