You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
