I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
