Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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