three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize