Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
