Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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