Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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