I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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