Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
