My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
