I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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