Even the bartender felt bad for me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
