Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
