My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
bring money and cleavage
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
