How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
