I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
