i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
