just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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