OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
