At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
