i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
