Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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