When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
