We're like a lot better than the average bears
Jerry, you need to find god
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
