Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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