Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
