it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
