thus making me awesome and them whores
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
