I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
