I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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