i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
