I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This house was built for laser tag.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
