Please don't use social media to get back at me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize