the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I CAN MOONWALK!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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