You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
