you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
