I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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