addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
