my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
