the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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