I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
