there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
