Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize