Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
