Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
