you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
