You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
