I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
