She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
