Too much gin, very little bucket
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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