I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
